The Jedi Called Oz
by NatzandtheRatz
Summary: Young Luke Skywalker dreams of escaping his life on his Uncle's farm, and heading to a land somewhere over the twin suns. But a freak sandstorm transports him and his two droids back to the Prequel Trilogy. How will he get home to Kansas, uh, Tatooine?
1. Over the Twin Suns

'The Jedi called Oz'

Or

'How I learned to stop worrying and love the prequel trilogy'

Partially inspired by 'Mr Jodo and The Lord of the Bounty Hunting', by Chriseis Fett.

For nearly forty years the Original Trilogy has given faithful service to the Young in Heart; and Time (and George Lucas' re-masterings) have been powerless to put its kindly philosophy out of fashion.

To those of you who have been faithful to it in return... and to the Young in Heart --- we dedicate this story . . .

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, young Luke Skywalker, and his little droid Artoo, leapt breathlessly from Luke's land speeder and ran towards the Lars homestead.

"Aunt Beru! Aunt Beru!" cried Luke desperately. "Aunt Beru, Uncle Owen, where are you?"

"Beep doodely beep." Advised Artoo.

"Oh, you're right, Artoo!" Agreed Luke. "They must be seeing to the new droids." He rushed down to the main courtyard of the homestead, but before the young farmboy could get anywhere else he crashed headlong into Artoo's counterpart droid, See-Threepio.

"Good morning, master Luke!" The golden droid said in his cheery manner. "Where are you rushing off to?"

"Oh, good morning, Threepio. I'm just looking for my Aunt and Uncle, have you seen them?"

"I'm afraid not, master Luke."

Just then, Luke's Aunt appeared from within the kitchen, with his uncle following. They were checking off the morning's moisture levels.

"Fifty-seven at the southern evaporator." Said Aunt Beru. "That's a drop from last week."

"It's been dropping the whole darn month." Replied Uncle Owen grouchily. "Mean's there's a sandstorm coming, I know it."

"I hope not. Do you really think so?" Asked Aunt Beru concernedly. Luke interrupted hotly before Uncle Owen could reply.

"Aunt Beru! Just listen to what those Jawas did to Artoo!"

"Luke, please, we're trying to count the moisture levels!" Reprimanded Uncle Owen.

"Oh, but Uncle Owen, they hit him with some electrical charge from one of their blasters, and they-"

"Not _now_, Luke!"

Luke stopped talking. He could see it was no use; his aunt and uncle just never had any time for him anymore.

He walked away sadly, to stand at his favourite spot just outside the homestead. It was a nice place to watch the twin sunset from. The sky would melt right through the spectrum, from lightest blue to a heavy purple, just on the horizon.

But at the moment in was mid-morning, and the sky was clear blue, with no cloud in sight. It was also extremely hot. So hot that Luke couldn't understand how anyone could be wearing a suit of armour.

But a man was. Right in front of him, shimmering out of the hot air, a figure covered in green armour walked towards the Lars homestead, stopping in front of Luke.

A cold, mechanical voice radiated from the figure, from a mouth behind a black, T-shaped visor.

"I'm looking for Obi-Wan Kenobi."

"Who?" Asked Luke. Artoo, still at his heels, beeped anxiously.

"Not now, Artoo." Said Luke. He turned back to the strange man. "I'm sorry, I don't know anyone called _Obi-Wan _Kenobi. Do you mean old Ben Kenobi? He's a strange old hermit who lives in these parts."

The sun glittered off the T-shaped visor. "Old Ben Kenobi? That sounds promising. Do you know whereabouts he can be found?"

"Sure, just beyond the Dune Sea! Right in the middle of the desert. Pretty brainless place to live, if you ask me. And it's quite a way from here. I think if you keep heading in that direction you'll get there. My Uncle Owen will know for sure. Do you want me to ask him?"

"That won't be necessary. I'll find this Kenobi sooner or later. Thank you for your time." He nodded curtly, and turned away from Luke, trudging off into the desert as if there was nothing bizarre about his exchange with Luke at all.

"Wait!" Cried Luke. "What do you want with him, anyway?"

The man turned back towards him, saying nothing for a moment.

"There's a bounty on his head." He eventually replied, coldly. Luke noticed, his stomach lurching, the blaster the man carried.

The bounty hunter retreated into the sand. Luke watched him go, a worried look on his face. Uncle Owen came up from the homestead and asked what was wrong.

"I think a bounty hunter's going to kill Old Ben Kenobi! He just asked me for directions."

Uncle Owen looked at him levelly. "You're going to find out, one day, that not all men have a heart as big as yours, Luke."

"But Old Ben! I have to go help him!"

"Don't you worry about Kenobi. I think he can look after himself."

"But I want to help! I'm brave enough, don't think I'm not!" Cried Luke passionately.

"Luke, I know you're brave. You've got more courage than some of the greatest generals in the galaxy. But courage isn't the issue here. You're to stay and help with the farm." Uncle Owen said with finality, and went back into the homestead.

Luke looked after him, his eyes blazing. Threepio fidgeted nervously.

"One day I'll get away from here." Said Luke vehemently. "I'll go farther than Mos Eisley. Farther than this planet. I'll get a ship, and take off, and go wherever I want to in this galaxy, and maybe farther than that as well. I'll go over the twin suns."

Threepio began to say something, but Artoo shushed him quickly. The little blue droid could sense when a musical moment was approaching.

Luke opened his mouth, and began to sing, a faraway look in his eyes.

"Somewhere, over the twin suns

Up in heaven

There's a place that I heard of

Once on the Holovision

Somewhere, over the two suns

Space is black

And the dreams that you dare to dream

Won't just mean jack

Someday I'll wish upon those stars

And wake up where this farm is far behind

me

Where troubles melt like icey cubes,

Away above these sandy dunes,

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere, over the twin suns, starships fly.

Ships fly over the twin suns,

Why then -- oh, why can't I?

If happy little starships fly

Beyond the twin suns

Why then, oh, why can't I?"

Luke ended his song abruptly, as a party of Jawas arrived, accompanied by marching imperial stormtroopers.

"Hutini! Hutini!" The Jawas cried excitedly, gesturing to Artoo Detoo. Luke bit his lip.

"Alright, alright," said the leading storm trooper to the Jawas, and approached Luke, "you have to hand over that droid."

"What? No! Aunt Beru! Uncle Owen! Come up here!" Cried Luke.

"What's all this yelling about?" Said Aunt Beru, when she and Uncle Owen got up to the surface.

"What are all these troopers doing here?" Asked Uncle Owen.

"Sir, we've been informed that that droid is stolen property, and rightfully belongs to these Jawas." The leading trooper informed them.

"That's poodoo! We bought them fair and square." Said Luke.

"Hutini!" Said a Jawa.

"He says you took three but only paid for two, sir." Translated the trooper.

"We paid for two droids but one was faulty. This droid was a replacement!" Cried Luke.

"Settle down, Luke." Said Aunt Beru. "We don't want to cause any trouble."

"Those Jawas are the troublemakers. Artoo is ours, and I'm not giving him up!"

"Luke, be quiet! We'll give Artoo up if we have to." Said Uncle Owen with the same finality in his voice as their had been earlier, and Luke knew it was hopeless.

"Alright," he said sadly, "Let me just go and get a restraining bolt for him."

Artoo beeped loudly.

"You mind your language, Artoo Detoo!" Said Threepio.

"Come on." Said Luke, and he took Artoo and Threepio back inside the homestead, leaving his Aunt and Uncle up with the others.

"Oh, master Luke, will you really surrender Artoo? I'd be very upset to lose him; we've been through so much together you see." Pleaded See Threepio as they moved into the garage area.

"Don't be crazy Threepio. I'm not giving Artoo away. We've got to run away -- quick!We're going to escape!" Said Luke determinedly, uncovering his Uncle's speeder from under a sheet.

"I don't think that's a very good idea-" began Threepio, but Luke was already lifting Artoo into the speeder.

"Come on, Threepio, or those Jawas might take you instead!" Said Luke. The protocol droid accepted defeat, and climbed into the speeder too.

They sped away over the desert before anyone, not the storm troopers, nor the Jawas, nor Aunt Beru nor even Uncle Owen realised what Luke had done.

Unfortunately, the sandstorm Uncle Owen had predicted earlier that day, struck at that very moment.

The wind began to howl. The sand began to move. Luke was forced to stop the speeder.

"I really think we should return to the farm, master Luke!" Cried Threepio.

"Beep woo beep!" Concurred Artoo.

"I think you two are right." Said Luke. "But how will we find our way back?"

"Beep dilly beep." Said Artoo.

"Artoo suggests returning along the way we came."

"Of course!"

Luke reversed the speeder along their exact previous route, and eventually they got back to the homestead, but nobody was there.

"Aunt Beru! Uncle Owen!"

By now the two suns had been blotted out by the raging winds, the sand had been whipped into a frenzy, and Luke did not know what to do. He tried to get in, but the doors had been barricaded against the storm, and would not move.

"Oh no! Aunt Beru! Aunt Beru! Let me in!" Luke called through the door desperately, but it was no use.

He struggled back through the merciless wind to the speeder, and tried to huddle down in it, the droids with him.

Before long the wind became so strong the speeder was picked up, and tossed about in the storm.

"We're not on the ground anymore, Artoo!" spluttered Luke.

They were not the only things picked up in the storm. The Jawas and the stormtroopers had been too, along with other droids and tusken raiders that opened fire when Luke saw them.

Another speeder shot past, a bike, with an old, dignified looking man sitting astride it. He cackled as he flew by Luke and the droids, igniting a red laser sword.

Luke yelled out in terror, and clung to the speeder. Artoo tried to whistle bravely. Threepio just cried.

The speeder whirled through the sky-spinning madly-Luke yelling-sand everywhere-Threepio crying-more sand-faster-faster-sand-CRASH.

Luke awoke to the sound of Artoo beeping in wonder, and Threepio's 'oh my!'. The storm had passed on. The sky was bright blue, and there was no sand. No sand at all.

Luke sat up, and looked around. They were in a lush field of grass, not too far from the edge of a forest. A beautiful city was visible in the distance. There was nobody else around as far as he could see. No Uncle Owen or Aunt Beru, no Jawas or storm troopers, no homestead. Nothing familiar to Luke at all.

"Artoo, I've a feeling we're not on Tatooine anymore."

"Why do you always talk to Artoo and not me?" Muttered Threepio. Luke ignored him.

"Why, we must be over the twin suns!"

Artoo beeped in wonder. Along with musical moments, he could also tell when epic adventures were about to occur.


	2. Follow the CGI Road!

Luke stepped gingerly out of the speeder and onto the grass, all the while looking around him. The grass stretched for what seemed like miles. The nearby forest looked strange, almost unreal. Everything looked unreal, come to think of it, Luke realised. The faraway city looked strange and shimmery, even the birds up above looked like you could put your hands through them.

Towards the distant city a strange road ran. It seemed to be made of a floaty blue electrical substance. It didn't look corporeal at all, like if you stepped onto it you'd fall right through. Luke leaned back on the landspeeder, the only sturdy thing around.

"This sure is a strange place, Artoo." He said finally.

"There you go again, talking to him and not me. I am fluent in over six million forms of communication, and nothing to show for it!" Complained Threepio.

Before Luke could reply, a shadow was cast over the disorientated trio. Looking up, Luke saw a huge silver ship, which looked as artificial as everything else, coming in to land.

Luke and the droids watched, dumbfounded, as a landing ramp came down and a bizarrely dressed, yet regal and dignified looking young woman marched from aboard the ship, stopping in front of Luke. She had a powdered white face, with two red dots on her cheeks, and a red line running down the centre of her lower lip. She wore an extremely ungainly red dress.

"Are you a Jedi or a Sith?" She demanded of Luke.

"Who, me? Why, I'm not a force-user at all. I'm Luke Skywalker from Tatooine."

"Oh! Well..." She looked past look to the droids, still perched in the landspeeder, "...are they the force-users?"

"Who, Artoo?"

"You're doing it again, master Luke!" protested Threepio. Luke persevered.

"Artoo's my droid."

"Well, I'm a little muddled. The Gungans called me because a new Jedi or a new Sith has just dropped a landspeeder on the Wicked Sith of the

East. And there's the speeder, and here you are, and," The girl pointed to Luke's crashed speeder, from which an arm protruded, clutching an ignited ruby red lightsaber, "that's all that's left of the Wicked Sith of the East. And so what the Gungans want to know is, are you a Jedi, or a Sith?"

Luke was unable to answer for a moment, so overwhelmed was he by the regal girl's speech. Eventually he recovered.

"Oh, but I've already told you, I'm not a Jedi or a Sith at all – there are none left in the whole galaxy. What was that?" He jumped at a noise coming from the forest.

"The Gungans. They're laughing because there are many Sith Lords and Jedi Knights in the galaxy. Well, there are many Jedis. There are only ever two Sith Lords. Some of my best friends are Jedi Knights, you know. I'm Padme, the Good Queen of Naboo."

" A queen! Oh, I sure am sorry! But I've never seen such a beautiful queen before."

Artoo beeped snidely. Threepio shushed him. Suddenly, the Gungans Queen Padme had spoken of appeared.

They looked strange, like overgrown frogs (Of course Luke didn't know this as he had never seen a frog before. They don't have many frogs on Tatooine, you see), but it wasn't just the way they looked. Like everything else Luke had seen, the Gungans just seemed incredibly awkward and artificial. He had trouble believing they were really there.

"The Gungans are happy because you have freed them from the Wicked Sith of the East." Padme informed Luke, to which he responded:

"Oh. But, if you please -- what are Gungans? And why do they look so strange?"

"They're the people who live in this land. It's Gunganland, and you are now their national hero, my dear. It's all right - you may all come out and thank her. It's all right now - you may all come out." Padme said to the half concealed Gungans.

"Yes, but why do they look so... unreal?" Luke repeated. Padme ignored him, and began to sing. Artoo beeped impatiently.

"Come out, come out, wherever you are

And meet the young Jedi who fell from the

stars.

He fell from the sky, he fell very far.

Tatooine he says is the name of the star."

Threepio began to tell them that Tatooine was technically a planet, but his voice was drowned out as the Gungans began to sing, too.

"Tatooine he says is the name of the star."

Padme continued.

"He brings you good news, or haven't you

heard?

When he fell from Tatooine, a miracle

occurred."

By this time the musical bug had bitten Luke.

"It really was no miracle," He sang, "what happened was just this:

The sand got in a tiff -- the wind played up a riff

And suddenly the speeder started to unspiff.

Just then, the Sith -- to satisfy some 'if' --

Went flying on his speeder smelling out a whiff."

"And oh, what happened then is myth!" Cried a Gungan, and more sang.

"The sand got in a tiff

The speeder went unspiffed

It landed on the Wicked Sith

Who was incredibly miffed

This was not a healthy cliff...

...hanger

For the Wicked Sith.

Who

Became skewiff

And was reduced

To just a stiff

Of what was once...

The Wicked Sith!"

The Gungans finished their song, to Luke's applause and Artoo's half-hearted whistles. These constant musical moments were beginning to grate on his circuitry.

"Let the joyous news be spread," cried Padme,"the Wicked Old Sith at last is dead!"

Artoo beeped desperately. More Gungan music approached.

"Ding Dong! The Sith is dead.

Which old Sith?

The Wicked Sith!

Ding Dong! The Wicked Sith is dead!"

What looked like the leader of the Gungans stepped forward to Luke, a large and slobbering creature.

"Meesa Boss Nass of Otah Gungah, in de region of de Land of Oz. Meesa welcome yousa most regally. From now on yousa be history! And wesas will glorify yousas name. Yousa'll be a bust in de Gungan hall of fame!"

But before Luke could thank Boss Nass, there was a puff of smoke, and a cloaked figure stumbled out of it, spluttering and coughing through the smoke. The Gungans all shrieked and fled back into the forest. Artoo and Threepio zipped from the speeder to cower behind Luke.

The hooded figure spied Luke's speeder, and the arm protruding from underneath it, still clutching the red lightsaber.

"Who's that?" whispered Luke to Padme.

"The Wicked Sith." Padme replied.

"I thought you said he was dead!"

"That was his apprentice -- the Wicked Sith of the East. This is the Wicked Sith of the West. And he's worse than the other one was."

The Wicked Sith paused in his inspection of Luke's speeder and whipped round to face Padme, Luke and the droids.

"Who killed my apprentice?" He hissed shrilly. "Who killed the Sith of the East? Was it you?" He lunged at Luke. "Answer me!"

"Leave him alone!" Said Padme calmly.

"You stay out of this!" The Wicked Sith said coldly to Padme, before turning back to Luke. "It was you, was it? You killedhim, didn't you?"

"No! It was an accident! I didn't mean to kill anybody!" Said Luke desperately.

"Didn't mean it, eh? Accident, eh? Well, my little pretty, I can cause accidents, too!"

Padme interrupted.

"Aren't you forgetting the ruby lightsaber?"

"The lightsaber -- yes...the lightsaber! I should probably keep that, it's a double edged one."

The Wicked Old Sith turned to get the lightsaber from the Wicked Sith of the East's hand, but it had disappeared. He looked around wildly to locate it, until he saw it hanging off Luke's belt

"The ruby lightsaber! How did it get there? Give it back to me, or I'll-"

"It's too late!" said Padme placidly. "There it is," she pointed at Luke's belt, "and there it will stay!"

"Give me back my lightsaber! I'm the only one that knows how to use it. It's of no use to you! Give it back to me!"

"Keep a tight hold of it, the force power it wields must be very powerful, or he wouldn't wantthem so badly!" Padme advised.

"Don't be silly, girl. Force power indeed! It's an authentic doubled-edged lightsaber. It'll fetch a fortune on eBay!" The Wicked Sith scoffed.

"You have no power here. Be gone, before somebody drops a speeder on you, too." Padme said sternly.

"Very well, I'll bide my time; it will make your deaths much more satisfying" said the Wicked Sith cruelly, "and as for you, my pretty little farmboy, it's true, I can't get to you here and now as I'd like, but just try to stay out of my way, just try! I'll get you, my pretty, and your little droid, too!"

"There are two droids here!" Threepio cried shrilly.

The Sith backed away from Luke and Padme, laughing menacingly, the Gungans still huddling behind the trees with fear, as the Sith disappeared in another foul smelling cloud of fire and smoke.

"It's all right. You can get up, he's gone." Padme called out to the Gungans. "I'm afraid you've made rather a bad enemy of the Wicked

Sith of the West. The sooner you get out of Oz altogether, the safer you'll be, my dear." She said to the increasingly confused Luke.

"Oh, I'd give anything to get out of Oz altogether -- but which is the way back to Tatooine? I can't go the way I came; I think my speeder's beyond repair." Luke said sadly.

"You're quite right. The only person who might be able to help would be the great and wonderful Jedi called Oz himself!"

"The Jedi called Oz? Is he a Jedi or is he a Sith?" Luke asked. Padme gave him a withering look.

"As the name would imply, he's very much a Jedi. He lives on Coruscant, also called the One Big City, and that's a long journey from here. Did you say your speeder's broken?"

"Yeah, I think it is."

"Well, then, you'll have to walk. The Gungans will see you safely to the border of Gunganland. And remember, never let go of that ruby lightsaber, or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Sith of the West!"

"But, how do I get to the One Big City?" Luke asked.

"It's always best to start at the beginning, and all you do is follow the CGIRoad!"

"The CGI Road?"

"Yes. Made entirely of CGI. Most things here in Oz are."

"That explains why you all look so strange!" Luke cried.

"Yes. It's all the doing of the Wicked Sith Lords. They made this old road CGI, supposedly to make journeys quicker and make Oz an all round better place. But eventually the CGI became uncontrollable and touched everything in Oz."

"And does it make Oz a better place?"

"No. But it looks very pretty, I'm sure you'll agree." Padme beamed at him.

"Well, not really. I think it looks cheap and artificial." Luke said honestly.

"Just follow the CGI Road, farmboy." Padme answered, before turning away and marching back onto her ship, which took off abruptly.

"My! People come and go so quickly here! Follow the CGI Road. Follow the CGI Road?"

Artoo beeped worriedly. The Gungans began to sing again.

"Follow the CGI Road.

Follow the CGI Road.

Follow, follow, follow, follow,

Follow the CGI Road.

You're off to see the Jedi

The Wonderful Jedi called Oz

You'll find he is a God of a Jed

If ever a Jed there was.

If ever oh ever a God there was

The Jedi called Oz

Is one because

Because, because, because, because,

because...

Because of the wonderful things he does!"

Luke took a deep breath, and stepped onto the CGI road. It supported his weight, surprisingly, but it felt very strange to stand on. Artoo and Threepio hopped on too, and all three of them danced down the CGI, away from the still singing Gungans, and on to see the Jedi called Oz.


	3. Brainless

Luke, Artoo and Threepio skipped on down the CGI Road, which certainly lead them through strange scenery. They had left the grasslands, gone through a city, and now seemed to be in a lavish palace, or at least Threepio thought. It looked vaguely familiar.

But Luke did not notice. He was pondering the merits of the CGI road. It wasn't so different to a normal road. It didn't seem to be getting them to the One Big City any faster than a normal road would. Luke acknowledged that it was, as Padme had said, very pretty, but what was the point of it? Luke thought that he'd much prefer to stick with regular roads, thank you very much.

Eventually, Artoo whistled worriedly, disturbing Luke from his reverie. He looked up. They had come far from the grassy plains of Gunganland. They seemed to be in some sort of power generation station (made of CGI, of course). The CGI Road came to a crossroads just before a giant, bottomless pit.

"Now which way do we go?" asked Luke.

"That way is a very nice way." Said a disembodied voice.

"Who said that!" Luke yelped.

Artoo moved to the edge of the pit, and beeped.

"Don't be silly, Artoo. Bottomless pits don't talk!"

"Artoo says there is a man hanging from the edge of the pit." Threepio said.

"Oh."

Luke bounded forwards next to Artoo, and peered into the pit. Sure enough, a young man, in beige robes with short spiky hair, was clinging on to the edge of the pit for dear life.

"Hello there." He said pleasantly.

"Hi," said Luke uncertainly, "I don't mean to butt in or anything, but I couldn't help noticing you're dangling from the edge of a bottomless pit."

"Yes. It's punishment, you see."

"Oh. From who? For what?"

"Punishment from myself, because I couldn't save my master from a Sith. I probably could have, if I only had a brain. But I'm not qualified for one yet; I'm only a Padawan." He explained.

"How do you talk if you haven't got a brain?" inquired Luke.

"I'm not sure. If I had a brain, I'd probably know. But a lot of people. But a lot of people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don't they? Those Gungans, for instance."

"Yes, I guess you're right." Agreed Luke.

"Well, where are your manners, Master Luke? You haven't introduced yourself, have you?" said Threepio, fussily. "Correct protocol must be observed at all times."

"Oh, sorry." Said Luke "I'm Luke Skywalker, and this is my droid Artoo."

"And **_me_**! See-Threepio!

"Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Luke started.

"That's strange. Someone was looking for an Obi-Wan Kenobi today, but back home on Tatooine..."

"Oh yes, I've just been there. My master and I had to stop for repairs to our ship."

"That explains it!" Luke grinned.

Obi- Wan continued to dangle placidly.

"How long do you have to stay down there until your punishment is up?" asked Luke.

"Oh, I think I'm punished enough now. I've been here for about a week."

"A week!"

"I couldn't work out how to get out." Obi- Wan confessed sadly. "Oh, I'm a failure, because I haven't got a brain. Why, if I had a brain, I could-"

Artoo beeped exasperatedly. Another musical moment approached.

"I could while away the hours,

Conferrin' with high powers,

Consultin' with the sane.

The Jedi Council'd listen

When I asked to go on missions

If I only had a brain.

I'd resolve each situation

For galactic civ'lisations

In trouble or in pain."

Luke, as usual, joined in.

"With the thoughts you'd put foward

You could outsmart any Sith Lord

If you only had a brain."

Obi- Wan continued.

"Oh, I could tell you why

Coruscant's in the core

I could think of things I never thunk

before,

And then I'd sit and think some more.

I wouldn't be just an apprentice

My head all full of sawdust

My heart all full of pain.

I could be a Jedi Master

And perform swordplay faster

If I only had a brain!"

"Well, wait a minute!" Said Luke, an idea hitting him. "I'm going to see a Jedi Master. The Jedi Called Oz."

"You're going to see a Jedi?" Obi- Wan asked, wide-eyed.

"Yeah. I bet he'd give you some brains if you came with me."

"Do you really think so?"

"Well, I think he would. But even if he didn't, you'd be no worse off than you are now."

"Yes, that's true."

"But maybe you'd better not." Luke said suddenly, reconsidering. "I've got this Sith Lord mad at me, and I wouldn't want you to get into trouble too."

"A Sith?" Scoffed Obi-Wan. "Sith Lords are my specialty! I'm not afraid of a Sith!"

"In that case, you're more than welcome! I need all the help I can get. This land is so strange." Luke said, looking around.

"But there's a slight problem." Said Obi-Wan. "I'm still stuck down this pit."

"Oh yes. I'd forgotten."

"Might I suggest something, Master Luke?" ventured Threepio, but what the golden droid's idea was, we shall never know, because at that moment Artoo ignited his little rocket jets and flew down to Obi-Wan.

"Artoo! I didn't know you could _fly_." Said an astounded Luke.

"Anything's possible in Oz." explained Obi- Wan, as Artoo lowered him back onto the floor. "It's all the CGI in the atmosphere."

"Of course. I keep forgetting." Said Luke.

"Well, anyway, hooray! We're off to see a Wizard!" Cried Obi-Wan happily.

"A Jedi, you mean." Corrected Luke, nudging him.

"Oh, yes. _Jedi_."

"To Oz?"

"To Oz!"

And they began to sing again.

"We're off to see the Wizard (JEDI, Obi-Wan!)

The Wonderful Jedi Called Oz

We hear he is a God of a Jed

If ever a Jed there was

If ever oh ever a God there was,

The Jedi Called Oz

Is one because

Because, because, because, because, because

Because of the wonderful things he does.

We're off to see the Jedi

The Wonderful Jedi Called Oz!"

"Who is most definitely not a Wizard!"

"Shut up, Obi-Wan!"


	4. The Tin Mandalorian

Obi-Wan, Luke and the droids continued downd the CGI, singing merrily. Unbeknownst to them, enemies lurked around every computer-generated corner. The Wicked Sith of the West had put a homing beacon on Threepio, and was tracking their every move. He had watched them leave Gunganland, travel along the CGI Road through Naboo until they met up with Obi- Wan, and he watched them now, as the CGI Road lead them into a rain soaked city, surrounded by stormy seas.

"This place feels familiar," said Obi-Wan, who had (in a very short space of time) grown a beard and lost his spiky hair.

Luke pushed wet hair out of his eyes and scanned the area.

"We'd better get out of this rain." He said. The CGI Road ran closely past a doorway, and the group hurried towards it.

The doors zipped open, and they emerged into a pristine white corridor, which was completely deserted.

"Oh! No-one to meet us." Said Threepio, disapprovingly.

"I don't suppose we're expected." Said Obi-Wan.

They wandered along the corridor for a little while, letting their clothes dry. The indoor city was strangely empty.

"I have a bad feeling about this." Said Luke.

"Oh, I say! What are they?" Said Threepio suddenly. Artoo whistled in awe.

Luke and Obi-Wan looked around. The droids were looking through a large glass door, wide enough for two banthas to walk through side to side (although they would only travel in single file, to disguise their numbers, thought Obi-Wan randomly). Beyond the door there was a vast, cavernous room filled with dangling transparent pods.

Threepio went through the door slowly, transfixed.

"I don't think that's very wise." Said Obi-Wan.

"Why, they're babies! Hundreds of babies. How strange." The droid reached up to touch the nearest pod, as Luke and the others looked on worriedly.

Unexpectedly, from around a corner, two long-necked, white aliens appeared, hurrying towards Threepio in an agitated yet very graceful manner.

"What do you think you're doing?" The aliens said, accosting Threepio.

Luke stepped forward bravely.

"Hey! He was only looking. We've been walking a long ways through this place, and we just wanted to look around."

"He was _curious_!" The long-necked being said derisively, enunciating every word. "These clones belong to the Wicked Sith of the West!"

"What!"

"Oh, I've said too much." gasped the Kaminoan. "You'll have to leave!"

"What? Wait!-"

"Go - Go!" The aliens frogmarched the quartet back out of the room, down the corridor and outside into the rain. The doors zipped neatly back together in their bewildered faces.

"What was that?" exclaimed Luke.

Artoo beeped in agreement.

"Wait. What did they say about the Wicked Sith of the West?" Luke asked suddenly.

"That the clones belong to him, Master Luke." answered Threepio promptly, thoroughly (and surprisingly) unruffled by their ordeal.

"Why would the Wicked Sith want so many clones?" Luke wondered.

"I'm sure I'd be able to work it out, if I had a brain." Said Obi-Wan.

"We'd better hurry to this Jedi, then." Said Luke, and the four made their way back through the rain to the CGI Road.

But before they could renew their journey, they were stopped once more. Artoo gave a despairing whistle.

"Artoo says all this rain is beginning to make him short-circuit, Master Luke." Threepio explained.

Before Luke or Obi-Wan could do anything, the little blue droid began to beep wildly, and started to spin around, little jolts of electricity leaping off him. He zoomed away from them suddenly, dashing madly backwards.

"Artoo!" Luke cried, and ran after him. The metal floor was slick with a fine surface of water though, and Luke came crashing down, skidding across the floor until he finally stopped. He looked up, and saw an armoured foot.

He looked up, and saw the same T-shaped visor that had faced him on Tatooine, a life that seemed ages away to Luke now. He stood up, and found there was a slight difference between the armoured man on Tatooine and the person before him. The man on Tatooine was rather taller.

Obi-Wan and the droids arrived at that moment.

"Who is this?" Threepio asked.

"Why, it's a boy! A boy made out of tin!" Obi-Wan said wildly.

"Don't be absurd." Came a synthesised voice. "I'm stuck."

"Did you say something?" Said Luke to the armoured boy.

"I said I'm stuck in this armour!"

"Really? It looks a bit too big for you, if you don't mind me saying." Said Obi-Wan matter-of-factly.

"Look, can you just get this helmet off?" The boy said in rather a short tempered voice.

Luke and Obi-Wan managed to prise the helmet off, revealing a tanned face with masses of curly black hair. He didn't look too happy.

"Introductions, please, Master Luke!" Trilled Threepio.

"Oh, right. Well, I'm Luke Skywalker, and this is Artoo."

"Boba Fett."

"And I am See-Threepio, human-cyborg relations!"

"I'm Obi-Wan Kenobi."

Boba Fett studied the padawan carefully.

"You seem familiar." He said finally.

"Anyway, how did you ever get stuck like this?" Asked Luke.

"Oh - well, this morning I was just trying on this armour - seeing if it fits me yet, you know - when suddenly it started to rain. It does that a lot here."

"We've noticed."

"And just before I could get back inside, I rusted solid. And I've been that way ever since."

"Well, you're perfect now." Said Threepio happily.

"Perfect? Bang on my chest if you think I'm perfect. On second thoughts, don't. You might set off a weapon or something."

"What's wrong with your chest?" Asked Obi-Wan.

"It's empty. Those Kaminoan cloners forgot to give me a heart." Fett said.

"No heart?" Obi-Wan and Luke said together.

"No heart."

Artoo, who had finished short-circuiting, prepared himself for _another _musical moment.

To be a good bounty hunter,

You shouldn't care for others

And yet I'm torn apart.

I could find myself leaning

To a life with kinder meaning,

If I only had a heart.

I'd be friendly -- I'd knit mittens

And never step on kittens

I think that that's a start

I'd be friends with the wookiees

And I'd give away free cookies

If I only had a heart.

Picture me...a balcony...with some girl I've met

She'd be all

'I love you, Boba Fett!'

I hear a beat...how sweet!

Just to register emotion

What a brilliant notion

And really feel a part,

I could stay young and shiny,

And never old and whiny,

If I only had a heart!"

"That was wonderful!" Said Luke.

"You wouldn't think that a bounty hunter would have such a nice voice!" Said Obi-Wan.

"Bounty hunter in training." Corrected Fett.

"Well, anyway," continued Luke, "we were just wondering if you'd like to come to Coruscant, The One Big City with us, to ask the Jedi Called Oz for a heart."

"Coruscant? I don't know. That's a long and dangerous journey. It might rain on the way. And I have a nine o'clock curfew."

"But you've just been saying how much you want a heart." Said Obi-Wan.

"Well, suppose the Jedi wouldn't give me one when we got there? Jedi never seem to like me."

"Oh, but he will! He must! We've come such a long way already." Said Luke fervantly.

"You could just pull a thermal detonator on him if he didn't." Advised Obi-Wan.

Suddenly there was an evil cackle, and the Wicked Sith of the West stepped out of his usual cloud of purple smoke.

"You call that a long way? You've just begun! Forgotten about me, eh? Well, I haven't forgotten about you! I'll get that ruby lightsaber yet, my pretty!"

"Now wait just a second-" said Obi-Wan fiercely.

"Well, well, well. You've found some friends, my pretty. Helping the little farmboy along, are you, my fine gentlemen? Well, stay away from him! Or I'll exile you on some sandy planet!" The Sith said to Obi-Wan, before turning to young Fett. "And you! I'll drop you in a Sarlacc!" The Sith cackled again. "Here, padawan! Better use the Force!" He shot lightning from his fingertips at Obi-Wan, who blocked it with his lightsaber.

"Well, as for you, my little Skywalker, I wish you luck with the Jedi Called Oz. If you can understand a word he says to you! And a happy journey back to Tatooine!" The Sith laughed manically again, before disappearing in another abrupt cloud of smoke.

"I'm not afraid of him." Said Obi-Wan resolutely. "I'll see you get safely to the Jedi Called Oz now, whether I get a brain or not! Exile me on a sandy planet! Hah!"

"I'll see you reach that Jedi, whether I get a heart of not. Sarlacc- bah! Like a Sarlacc could stop me! I'd just climb back out!"

"I don't know, fellas." Said Luke. "That Sith is so wicked. I don't think you two ought to come with me because you'll get into trouble."

"You don't think we're going to stand by and let her get away with Sarlaccs and Force-electricity, do you?" They chorused

"Oh, you're the best friends anybody ever had!" Said Luke happily. "It's funny, but I feel as if I'veknown you all the time. But I couldn't have, could I?"

"I don't see how. You weren't around when I was being trained, were you?" Said Obi-Wan.

"And I was standing over there rusting for the longest time." Said Fett.

"I thought you said you were only there since this morning?"

"Shut up, Obi-Wan."

"Still, I wish I could remember." continued Luke. "But, I guess it doesn't matter anyway. We know each other now, don't we?"

"That's right." Said Obi-Wan.

"We do." agreed Fett.

"To Oz?" Luke asked.

"To Oz!" came the reply.

The newly formed trio began to sing the now customary end-of-chapter song.

"We're off to see the Jedi

The Wonderful Jedi Called Oz

We hear he is a God of a Jed

If ever a Jed there was.

If ever, oh ever a God there was

The Jedi Called Oz is one because

Because, because, because, because, because

Because of the wonderful things he does

We're off to see the Jedi

The Wonderful Jedi Called Oz!"


	5. A Cowardly General

The CGI Road continued its strange, winding path through the various locations of Oz, Luke and his friends following contentedly. They eventually came to a windswept place, arid and dry, but with enormous sinkholes dotting the surface. The CGI Road ran directly down into an especially dark and eerie sinkhole.

They progressed slowly downwards, Luke and Obi- Wan drawing closer together for security. Fett remained unperturbed.

"I don't like this sinkhole! It's dark and creepy!" whispered Luke.

"Of course, I don't know, but I think we'll have to go deeper before we get out." Warned Obi-Wan.

"Oh, I say. Do you suppose we'll meet any... creatures?" asked Threepio.

"We might." Said Fett. If it was not for his completely straight face, one might think he was enjoying watching the others panic.

"Creatures that - that eat Jedi?" said Obi-Wan.

"Probably. It'll be the usual; mostly rancors, and wampas, and reeks."

"Rancors?" yelped Luke.

"And wampas?" squeaked Obi-Wan.

"And reeks." Concluded Fett.

"Oh! Rancors and wampas and reeks!" exclaimed Luke.

There was a scuffling noise from below them in the sinkhole, like the sound of many feet.

"Rancors and wampas and reeks! Oh my!" said Luke and Obi-Wan.

A deep growling noise loomed from the darkness ahead of them.

"Rancors and wampas and reeks! Oh my!" said Luke and Obi-Wan _and_ Fett.

The growling became louder.

"Rancors and wampas and reeks! Oh my!"

An enormous spindly creature leapt out at them. Obi-Wan shrieked and Fett cowering behind him.

"What sort of an animal is that?" said Luke, trembling.

"I don't know; my eyes are closed!" confessed Fett.

"D-d-d-don't be fr-fr-frightened. I - I'll protect you." Obi-Wan attempted to be brave.

The creature seemed to be some kind of cyborg, with bulbous yellow eyes behind a cruel looking mask. He seemed to be a combination of organic being and machine, his living matter encased within a fearsome exoskeleton. He leapt towards the terrified group, scattering them.

He ignited four lightsabers, held at the end of each of his four arms.

"Put 'em up! Put 'em up! Which one of you first? I'll fight you both together if you want! I'll fight you with two of my arms chopped off! I'll fight you standing on my head!"

"Go away, and leave us alone!" said Fett, unable to control the tremble in his voice.

"Oh, scared, huh? Afraid, huh? Come on - get up and fight, shorty! Put your hands up, beard-o!" he said, turning on Obi-Wan.

"Now that's getting personal!"

"Yeah! I think you could take him, Kenobi." Said Fett. "Get up and teach him a lesson."

"Well, what's wrong with you teaching him? You're the bounty hunter!.

"I'm only a trainee bounty hunter!"

Artoo whistled fiercely at the cyborg.

"Well, I'll get you, anyway, trash-can." Threatened the creature ominously.

The group were suitably petrified, until the fearsome cyborg broke down

into a fit of hacking coughs.

"Shame on you!" said Luke sternly, brandishing the ruby lightsaber. "Frightening us like that!"

"Put that away!" said the cyborg, shrinking back instantly. "I didn't hurt you!

"No, but you tried to."

"It's bad enough picking on helpless padawans and trainee bounty hunters, but when you go around picking on poor little droids-"

"Well, you didn't have to go and wave that lightsaber at me, did you? Are all my limbs still attached?"

"Well, of course. What a fuss you're making. You're worse than Threepio! When you go around picking on things weaker than you are, it means you're nothing but a great big coward!"

"You're right -- I am a coward. A cowardly general." The General lamented. "I haven't any courage at all. I even scare myself." He began to cough again. "I can't get rid of this cough, either." He said sadly.

"Oh, that's too bad." Said Obi-Wan. "Do you think the Jedi Called Oz could help him, too, Luke?"

"I don't see why not. Why don't you come along with us? We're on our way to see the Jedi now. To get Boba Fett here a heart."

"And Kenobi here a brain." Chipped in Fett.

"I'm sure he could give you some courage, General-?"

"General Grievous."

"I'm Luke Skywalker, and this is Artoo."

"AND SEE-THREEPI0!"

"But wouldn't you feel degraded to be seen in the company of a cowardly general? I would." General Grievous continued, ignoring Threepio.

"No, of course not. You're no worse than these two." Smiled Luke.

"Gee, thanks." chorused Obi-Wan and Fett sardonically.

"Aw, that's -- that's awfully nice of you. My life-" he coughed again, "-has been simply unbearable."

Artoo switched himself off. The songs were becoming too much for him.

"Yes, it's hard to lead droid armies

When you were born to be quite harmless,

Without the will to serve.

But I could show my skills

Be a Gen'ral who really kills

If I only had the nerve

But when people see this General

I'm afraid they rarely tremble

A fate I don't deserve.

For war I'd be read-i"

Fett joined in.

"I'd be cuddly as a ted-i"

As did Obi-Wan

"I won't have an empty head-i"

Luke did too

"If the Jedi is a Jedi who will serve."

Obi-Wan took over

"Then I'm sure to get a brain"

Then Fett

"A heart"

Back to Luke

"Back home"

General Grievous finished

"The nerve."

The quartet linked arms, and began to skip off down the CGI road, the droids following, and all singing the old end-of-chapter song.

"Oh, we're off to see the Jedi

The Wonderful Jedi Called Oz.

We hear he is a God of a Jed

If ever a Jed there was...

...If ever, oh ever, a God there was

The Jedi Called Oz is one because

Because, because, because, because, because

Because of the wonderful things he does!

We're off to see the Jedi

The Wonderful Jedi Called Oz!"

Unfortunately for them, the homing beacon was still firmly attached to Threepio. The Wicked Sith of the West, with his new apprentice Sith of the East, were watching. Trouble lay ahead for Luke.


	6. Naptime

The Wicked Old Sith of the West was an unhappy man. His CGI takeover of Oz had been going swimmingly, until that dratted farm boy and his little droids showed up. They were undoing all of his hard work. Everywhere Skywalker and his friends went in Oz, they brought realism and a sense magic; he gave hope to the locals. Exactly the sort of things CGI should prevent.

So, the Sith took it upon himself to get rid of them, and restore the dull boorishness of CGI to Oz once more. With the help of a new apprentice, it could be done.

Plus that ruby lightsaber was a limited edition, he had found out. It would fetch a fortune on eBay.

His new apprentice had rigged up the HoloVision to show a live feed from the homing beacon on the golden droid, and the Wicked Sith angrily watched the little group skip down his CGI road.

He laughed manically, before turning the screen off.

"A-hah!" he cried. "So! You won't take warning, eh? All the worse for you, then. I'll take care of you now instead of later! Hah! With those four out of my way, I will reign supreme in Oz once more! And when I gain that ruby lightsaber, my power will be the greatest on eBay! How should I dispose of them, Wicked Sith of the East?"

"Well, you could force-choke them-" the apprentice Sith Lord began, but the Wicked Sith of the West sighed exasperatedly.

"You're so predictable! Let's be creative for once. Something with poison in it, I think. With poison in it, but attractive to the eye and soothing to the smell! Jawa Juice!"

He cackled, and turned the HoloVision back on, just to see Luke and his friends arrive in the lower levels of Coruscant, the One Big City.

"There it is!" Luke cried, pointing at the highest tower in Coruscant, rising far above their heads. "That's where the Jedi Called Oz is, I bet! Oh, we're almost there at last!"

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Sighed Obi-Wan. "But it looks strangely familiar... He really must be a great Jedi to live all the way up there!"

"Well, come on, then. What are we waiting for?" coughed Grievous.

"Nothing! Let's hurry!" said an unusually chirpy Fett.

"Yes - let's run!" agreed Luke.

The Jedi-seeking quartet, followed by the droids, hurtled along the CGI Road, passing through the seedier areas of Coruscant, drawing closer to the Jedi Called Oz' tower.

Suddenly Obi-Wan, who was running ahead of the others, stopped in his tracks, next to a greasy-looking diner. Everyone crashed into him.

"What's happening? What is it?" asked Luke in a muffled voice.

"Look!" said Obi-Wan, and the others looked to where he was pointing. "They're having a two-for-one sale on Jawa Juice!"

Before anyone could stop him, he had dashed inside and began ordering drinks for everyone.

"That guy and his Jawa Juice!" exclaimed Fett.

"You'd think a Jedi would drink real drinks!" agreed Grievous.

"We'd better go and get him." said Luke, and they entered the diner to retrieve Obi-Wan.

By the time they found him, propping up the bar, the young Jedi was almost asleep.

"Come on, Kenobi! The Jedi Called Oz won't wait all day!" wheezed Grievous.

"I can't run anymore. I'm so... Sleepy." yawned Obi-Wan.

"For Force's sake! Here - give us your hands, and we'll pull you." cried Luke.

"Oh, no - please. Just five more minutes." He lay his head on the bar.

"Oh, you can't rest now - we're nearly there!" cried Grievous. Boba Fett, meanwhile, reached for the Jawa Juice Obi-Wan had been drinking, and took a sip. He spat it out instantly.

"There are sedatives in this drink!" He concluded.

"What shall we do?" whimpered Grievous.

"I don't know!"

"Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!" called Luke to the padawan, trying in vain to wake him.

Back in the Sith's lair, meanwhile, the Wicked Sith of the West laughed evilly.

"Call away! Call away! He won't hear any of you again! And there's nothing you can do about it, either!" He turned to his apprentice. "Execute Order 65!"

"Order 65, my lord?"

"Yes. The extermination of those four! Call my clone troopers to fetch me that lightsaber! Hurry! Hurry! Its all going to plan!"

The apprentice Sith of the East scurried off to carry out his master's orders, and the Wicked Sith of the West turned back to his HoloVision, to watch his plan unfold.

Obi-Wan still lay unconscious on the bar. General Grievous had started to cry.

"We'll have to carry him, I guess." said Luke finally.

Luke and General started to pick up Obi-Wan, when Artoo gave a warning whistle. They span round to see Boba Fett yawning.

"You know, Kenobi's got the right idea." he said, before falling over in a deep sleep.

"Oh no! He must have swallowed some of the Jawa Juice too!" cried a distraught General Grievous. "What shall we do?"

"I don't know! Oh, this is terrible - we can't budge them an inch! This isn't natural!" said Luke.

"It's the Wicked Sith!" Cried Grievous wildly. "What'll we do? Help! HELP!"

"It's no use screaming at a time like this!" Said Threepio. "Nobody will hear you! Help!"

Suddenly, there were the sounds of screaming from outside, and what sounded like a ship coming in to land.

It was the glittering silver ship of the Good Queen of Naboo.

"It's Padme!" Cried Luke. "She'll rescue us!"

He ran outside to meet her, but instead of seeing a badly dressed queen marching down the entrance ramp of the ship, a heavy looking crate was pushed out, and the ship took off again.

"How strange." observed General Grievous.

Luke rushed towards the crate, and found it to be full of Nubian coffee beans - 'guaranteed to wake you up!', as the slogan said.

"Oh, maybe this'll help!" said Luke hopefully.

"You think?" Grievous said dryly.

They hauled the crate back inside the diner to where Obi-Wan and Fett lay, and force-fed it to them.

The sleeping pair sat up instantly, choking.

"It worked!" trilled Threepio.

"You nearly suffocated us!" cried an outraged Fett.

"You can thank us later." smiled Luke. "Come on, lets get to the Jedi!"

The group ran as fast as they could from the diner, towards the JedI Called Oz' tower.

Back in the lair, the Wicked Sith of the West howled with rage.

"Curse it! Curse it! Somebody always helps that farmboy! But lighsaber or not, I'm still great enough to conquer him. And woe to those who try to stop me!" He crowed, before switching the HoloVision off finally. 


	7. Quarter Pounder With Cheese

Luke, Obi-Wan, Fett, General Grievous and the droids raced down a long, spacious promenade until they skidded to a halt in front of the colossal Jedi Called Oz' Tower. It's five spires rose serenely into the air a kilometre above them, vastly higher than any of the ultra-modern buildings that surrounded it. Luke's little group of adventurers stood at the bottom of some broad stone steps that lead up to the tower, gazing up in silent awe.

'Do you think they'll let us spit off the top?' asked Obi-Wan, finally.

'There's only one way to find out.' Said Luke in a resolute tone. 'Let's go in.'

He began to climb the steps, and the rest of the group followed, ascending as quickly as they could.

Upon reaching the top, they found themselves facing an enormous and heavy-looking set of doors, with a small viewing-window near the bottom, and an ornate bell.

Luke, still panting after the climb, rang the bell. Nothing happened.

'Maybe no-one's home?' suggested Grievous.

'Don't say that! Not after all we've been through!' Said Luke, in a fearful voice.

Suddenly a voice was heard through the door.

'What punk rang that bell?' The voice said, rather crossly.

'I did.' Said Luke, stepping forward.

'Can't you read!'

'Read what?' Said Obi-Wan.

'The notice, man!' Exclaimed the voice.

'What notice?' Said Fett.

'It's on the door!'

'No it isn't!' Said Grievous. R2 beeped in agreement.

The voice said nothing, but a sliding panel across the viewing window was opened and a hand, which clutched a notice, appeared. and promptly attached the notice to the door. The hand retreated, and the sliding door across the viewing window was slammed shut.

Luke and the gang gathered round the notice, which read:

'Bell out of order. Please knock.'

'Well, really!' said Threepio.

Luke shrugged, and knocked sharply on the door. The sliding door was opened, and the face reappeared.

'Well now, that's more like it, man. What do you want?'

'We want to see the Jedi Called Oz.' Said Luke

'Ooooh! The Jedi? Nobody ever sees the Great Oz! Nobody's ever seen the Great Oz! It's all about security, man. Now, this party's over.' The voice said, and they heard retreating footsteps.

'Oh, please! Please sir; we've got to see the Jedi! The Good Queen of Naboo sent us!' Cried Luke desperately. The footsteps stopped, and came back to the other side of the door.

'Prove it, man. What do they call a Quarter Pounder Gungan-burger with cheese on Naboo?'

The group, completely bewildered, shrugged at each other.

'They don't call it a Quarter Pounder Gungan-burger with cheese?' said Obi-Wan, incredulously.

'No man, it'd offend all the Gungans.'

'We have no idea.' Luke confessed.

'Too bad. For the record, they call it a Nubian Royal with cheese.'

'No way! What do they call Jawa Juice?' Said Obi-Wan excitedly, but Luke interrupted.

'The Good Queen did send us! I've got the Ruby Lightsaber to prove it!'

'No way, man! Why didn't you say that in the first place?' A face appeared at the viewing window, peering at the Ruby Lightsaber.

'Hey!' Said Fett suddenly. 'Aren't you..?'

But before he could finish a sleek black ship flew low overhead, billowing an ominous cloud of purple smoke from behind it.

'Who that? Who that?' Coughed Grievous, terrified.

'It's the Wicked Sith! He's followed us here!' Cried Luke.

'Can't that guy take no for an answer?' Exclaimed Obi-Wan.

Suddenly the purple smoke in the sky began to arrange itself into letters, spelling out:

_Surrender Luke or die! W. S. W._

'Oh dear, whatever shall we do?' Said Luke.

'Well, we'd better get inside and see the Jedi!' said Grievous.

But the man behind the door had gone. Luke and the rest pounded on the door.

'Let us in! Let us in!'

'Get the hell out of here now, go on!' Cried the man from behind the viewing window.

'We have to see the Jedi right away; all four of us.'

'Nobody can see the Great Oz! Not nobody, not nohow!' Cried the man. 'He's in conference with himself on account of this trouble with the Sith. And even if he wasn't you wouldn't have been able to see him anyway on account of nobody has.'

'Oh, but please. It's very important.' Said Luke.

'And I got a haircut just for the occasion! No more mullet!' Said Obi-Wan.

'No way, you crazy MFs!' said the man.

'How rude!' Said Threepio.

'What's an MF?' said Luke

'Jedi insult.' Explained Obi-Wan. 'It's short for Mother-forcer.'

'Oh, my!'

'Anyway, get lost! Said the man.

'But he's Luke!' said Fett.

'The Sith's Luke? Well, that makes a difference. Just wait here; I'll announce you at once.'

The heavy door swung back, and a tall, beige-robed Jedi Master was revealed to be the voice behind the door.

'Mace Windu! I should've known.' Said Obi-Wan. 'You're the only Jedi cool enough to use that kind of language.'

Fett eyed Mace Windu resentfully.

'No hard feelings, eh?' The Jedi Master said quickly. 'I'll show you up to Oz.'

Luke and the group hurried after him, relieved to finally get away from the Sith and get an audience with the Jedi Called Oz.

R2-D2 was just relieved to get through an entire chapter without having to endure a musical moment.


End file.
